[TW] Beyond Skin Deep.

Posted on Mon Apr 10th, 2023 @ 12:34am by Lieutenant Batsheva Olmert & Lieutenant Daisy Stanier

1,019 words; about a 5 minute read

Mission: Chapter VII: Into the Storm
Location: Medical Bay.

TW: Reference to self-harm. Please don’t read if this is a difficult subject

A nurse on a mercenary ship saw, dealt with a lot. Plasma burns. Phaser, disruptor wounds. Broken bones. Cuts, bruises from fights. Sometimes though, Daisy helped patients deal with the pain and wounds which couldn’t be seen. The ones below the skin. She knew what they were like. Experience she used to help others.

Her latest round was finished. She’d start all over again soon. The waiting room, empty. Daisy’s favourite kind. It was no time to relax, though. She’d have something to do before her next round. She knew it.

It was worse this time. The physical pain, she could deal with. Batsheva was used to it. It was the mental anguish which was worse. Shira was her usual lighthouse, the rock it was perched on. But this time, no. Batsheva couldn’t put this much weight on Shira’s shoulders. She loved her too much. Why? Why had David chosen now?

Fuck knows, thought Batsheva. She wasn’t giving him the satisfaction.

She walked through the doors. Empty. Good. She mentally breathed a sigh of relief.

The doors had attracted someone. Footsteps approached.

Please, please be Daisy.

It was.

“You’ve been hurting yourself again, haven’t you?” asked Daisy. She was the only person who knew. Apart from Shira. The silence gave Daisy her answer.

“Come on, over here.”

Daisy took Batsheva to a private cubicle. Well away from the inpatients, prying eyes. Batsheva sat on the bed. She felt guilty, like she was wasting Daisy’s time. Daisy was kind, caring. She cared about people, she understood Batsheva’s anguish. Kind of. Batsheva had to remind herself that her own parents were still alive. Daisy’s weren’t. “I’m sorry.” she mumbled.

“It’s okay.” replied Daisy, softly. Sensitively. “When you’re ready, I’ll take a look at it for you.”

Slowly, Batsheva rolled up her sleeve. She never looked. In her peripheral vision, she saw Daisy step up to the bed. The nurse began treating Batsheva’s wounds. Every time, Daisy would tell her the same thing. This time was no different.

“I wish you wouldn’t do this, Batsheva.”

“Yeah, I know.” Batsheva responded. Even with her own lover, Batsheva had to be coaxed to talk about her feelings. “I just, yeah. I’m rubbish at talking about my feelings I guess.”

“Talk about them now.” said Daisy, her dermal regenerator setting to work.

Batsheva sighed. She didn’t want to do this. But, Daisy was right. None of this was the answer. She knew deep down, she needed to talk. Open up. Bottling up was a bad idea. At some point, the bottle would always get full again. As it had with David’s call. “My Dad called.”

“He wants me to forgive him. He asked if I wanted to go home. How can I? The life me and Shira now have to live, it’s because of him. I’ve had to kill people, Daisy. To survive. All of that, this…” she said, pointing to her arm. “…is because of him. He’s only doing it to make himself feel better. He threw me out, now he wants me back. I don’t get it. Any of it.”

“I understand why you feel this way.” began Daisy. She’d never had to kill anyone. She didn’t, couldn’t understand Batsheva’s anguish. “But, he’s reaching out. People can change.”

“I don’t trust him.”

Daisy moved the dermal regenerator up Batsheva’s arm. “I know. But, maybe you should at least think about it. You can forgive. It doesn’t mean you have to forget. What he did was awful. Don’t let him ever forget it. Whether you forgive him or you don’t.”

For the first time, the words sunk in. Even though Batsheva was not interested in forgiving David, they made her think. Daisy was right. If Batsheva ever forgave David, it didn’t mean she had to forget. No, she wouldn’t anyway. “You’re telling me to talk about my feelings. You won’t do anything about yours.”

“This isn’t about me, Batsheva.” countered Daisy. She knew what Batsheva was on about. But, this was here and now. This was about Batsheva. “This is about you, your father. At least you still have parents to forgive.” she paused. “I wish Azzie and I did.”

“You love her. Tell her.” Batsheva was trying to deflect from admitting Daisy was right. Swallowing her pride, it was a weak point of Batsheva’s. She didn’t understand why Daisy loved Skylar. She seemed cold, selfish. Uninterested in anything but her work.

“I have. She won’t listen.” the tone of the nurse changing. Slightly.

“Strictly professional, she says.”

Batsheva, Shira did not like Skylar. They didn’t understand why Daisy loved her. But, they accepted she did. They wanted Daisy to be happy. Even if it was with someone they didn’t like.

“She isn’t good enough for you.” whispered Batsheva. Her tone, almost silent.

Not silent enough.

Her grip on the dermal regenerator tightened. A nerve was struck. “I heard that.” responded Daisy. Her tone, ice cold. Batsheva clearly changing the subject. Again.

“Well, it’s true. Skylar isn’t good enough for you. Daisy, she treats you like utter shit. She used you for sex. She doesn’t give a fuck about your feelings, how you feel about her. If she did, she’d at least talk to you about it. You deserve so much better.”

The dermal regenerator was no longer required. Its work done, Daisy put it away. Her back turned, her hands gripped the cabinet. Her eyes filled with water. Then, the dam burst. The waterworks commenced. “Don’t you EVER speak about her like that again.”

Immediately, Batsheva knew she’d upset her friend. She rarely apologised. But, this time she knew she had to. “Daisy, I’m…”

“Get the fuck out, Batsheva.”

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